Let me start by saying, I hope this post doesn't offend any of you Disney lovers out there. I know there are a lot of you. Truth be told, I HATE DISNEYLAND! And with that attitude, it's no surprise my experience there was this...
It all started when a Billboard caught my eye advertising "Children free at Disneyland Paris until March 31." Even though I hate Disneyland, I put my children first 99.9% of the time and I do feel like a visit to Disneyland is a childhood requisite. We took Bijou once when she was 6 and actually had a nice time because she was tall enough for the real roller coasters making it fun for us adults too. However, Eero and Wilder have not been and here was my opportunity to bring them for FREE! Well, I should know better than to take something for free just because it's free. Anyway, deep in my heart I knew that the boys would not have the patience or stamina to last a day at Disneyland. Throw in a flu virus and they hardly had the patience to wait in line at the entrance for tickets. Eero was already screaming and thrashing around in his stroller by the time we entered the park.
We were committed so we entered the park, screaming Eero and all. The kids immediately decided they were hungry so we stopped in a cafe along "Main St" for muffins and the kids chose different things at the counter but were upset with their selections by the time we sat at our table. Then they were mad about sharing a large bottle of orange juice. At 5euros a bottle, I was only buying one.
Next stop was the carousel, where Bijou refused to wait in line for a "boring ride." Moving on... Eero now needed a nap, even though it was only 10:30am, because of the aforementioned flu virus he had. I pushed him around in the stroller while Doug took the other kids into some Alice in Wonderland Labyrinth that surprisingly had only a 20 minute wait. After that we waited 30 minutes to go on the tea cup ride that lasted about 40 seconds. Is the tea cup ride in LA that short? Wilder was pissed the ride was over and refused to get out of the tea cup so I had to physically remove him from the ride kicking and screaming. Now he needed a nap.
We started to walk around the park to get Wilder to fall asleep (Eero had been asleep this whole time) but oh no, we need to find a bathroom, I think I started my period! Crap. Where are those damn bathrooms? They hide them. Okay, we find a bathroom and Wilder falls asleep, whew! We ask Bijou, "if you could pick any ride to go on today since the boys are sleeping what would it be?" She picks...It's a small world. We wait in line for 30 minutes and enjoy the ride. I think the line is pretty short because it is lunchtime and the French are VERY strict when it comes to meal times. Lunch is to be eaten between the hours of 12:30 and 2:30pm so that would be a great time to hit the rides if you ever plan on visiting Paris Disney.
After the ride we are starving so we stop into a Bavarian restaurant for some expensive hot dogs. The place is packed and we have two sleeping kids in strollers so I quickly grab a table when some people get up to leave. Bijou and I wait and wait and wait at the table while Doug orders. In the meantime, Eero wakes up screaming "no, no NO, No!!!" Still Doug is a no-show. I go outside with Eero and leave Bijou and sleeping Wilder at the table. I return 20 minutes later, still no Doug. Return another 20 minutes later, still no Doug. I make eye contact with him in line and he shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head at me. Eero is so ballistic at this point he wakes up Wilder. Wilder being the not-so-wild and super chill kid that he is is surprisingly content. Bijou is now starving but also nauseous, uh oh is she now coming down with the flu? Indeed she is. After an hour and a half wait we eat our crappy over-priced hot dogs and decide to call it a day. But wait, Bijou refuses to walk the half mile back to the shuttle stop because she is so sick. She can't walk!!! I start to cry. It's a good thing I have my sunglasses on. We give B a pep talk and she manages to walk to the shuttle.
To be clear, we leave Disneyland with zero photos with characters because the lines to say "bonjour" were too long. Our ride totals were as follows... Doug (1), Me (2), Bijou (3), Wilder (2), and Eero (0). With that said, we still spent 300 euros or $418 USD. I don't know about you but I would have much rather had a new pair of Rag and Bone jeans and a pair of Illesteva sunglasses.
We go back to the hotel and everyone falls asleep around 5pm. The next day, Eero and Wilder are feeling pretty good but Bijou is as sick as a dog. We skip Disneyland and leave Bijou to sleep in the hotel room while we entertain the boys in the hotel lobby with air hockey and ball pits and arcade games. Oh wait, here comes Bijou in her pajamas and barefoot into the hotel lobby. "What's going on sweetie?" I barfed all over the hotel room! Crap! Head back up to the room and try and clean it up as best we can. Fast forward to the next morning where we are leaving the hotel and headed to the train station to go home, Thank God! While waiting for the shuttle Doug asks, "what is that on your coat?" I look down and sure enough there is dry crusty barf all over the bottom of it that I hadn't noticed when I put it on. Seriously?! Despite the 40 degree (F) weather I refuse to wear the coat and stand in the freezing cold waiting for our shuttle.
We enjoy a lovely train ride home with the kids and everyone appears to be on the mend. That evening my tummy starts to feel funny...
Note: Paris Disneyland seems almost identical to the LA version except for the characters speak French obviously. If you love Disneyland, you'll probably love the Paris one too, just don't invite my kids to come with you. We stayed off site at the Magic Circus Hotel. It was perfect for the kids. Beautiful indoor pool, spa, free buffet breakfast, ball pit, play structure outside, air hockey, pool table, etc. The highlight from the 3-days we spent there was the "fish pedicure" Bijou and I had at the spa. It tickled and was gross but such a weirdly fun experience too and our feet were so soft afterwards.